In this episode, we talked about:
- The challenges of discussing depression even though I’ve personally experienced it and want to raise mental health awareness.
- The three major depressive episodes I’ve gone through, triggered by a traumatic incident.
- The first episode’s impact on my studies and how I sought help from my university’s counseling department.
- The second episode’s intense suicidal thoughts and my struggle to find affordable mental healthcare in Malaysia.
- The third episode’s severity, leading to medication and opening up to my parents about my depression.
- The importance of seeking help, exploring treatment options, and understanding that recovery is possible.
Listen to the full episode now:
“Depression can be caused by many reasons… most of the times when you’re going through it, you don’t even know the reason why.”
Timestamp:
- 0:00 intro & tw: suicide, sexual assault, depression
- 2:53 my experience
- 22:12 summary
- 23:04 outro
If you’re in need of immediate help, please reach out to a helpline.
You can find helplines near you at https://findahelpline.com/
“People always think that suicidal people are selfish, but no… they just couldn’t get themselves out of those thoughts.”
Detailed Summary:
Introduction
Welcome to Small Girl Big Talk, where we discuss important aspects of adulthood. I’m your host, Wendy, and today’s episode is about depression. I’ve been wanting to cover this topic for a while because I’ve personally struggled with it and want to use my communication skills to help others. It’s been four years since I recovered, and I feel a bit detached from the experience, but recent suicide cases have motivated me to speak up.
Trigger Warning
This episode will include discussions of suicide. If this is triggering for you, please feel free to pause here.
My Story
I’ve always been bubbly and extroverted, making it easy to hide my internal struggles. I want to share my story to help others feel less alone and understand what someone with depression might be going through.
I struggled with depression for four to five years, with three major episodes. The first happened in the summer of 2014, triggered by a traumatic incident (sexual assault). I didn’t recognize it as depression at the time; I just felt low energy, isolated, and had negative thoughts. I even experienced suicidal thoughts for the first time.
Seeking Help
I reached out to my university’s sexual assault center and was referred to counseling. They helped me navigate my options and even allowed me to defer my exams so I could focus on healing. Talking to friends and taking the pressure off my studies helped me recover from that first episode.
Relapse
Less than a year later, in March 2015, I was triggered again, and the suicidal thoughts returned even stronger. I remember researching ways to end my life and feeling overwhelmed by the darkness. Thankfully, I sought help again and was referred to a psychologist. Therapy wasn’t easy, but it helped me gain closure and recover from that episode.
The Worst Episode
After graduating and moving back to Malaysia, I faced reverse culture shock, lack of support, and family issues. In January 2017, on the anniversary of the traumatic incident, I fell into the worst depressive episode yet. I felt empty and hopeless, and even going to work felt like a burden. My life was a mess, and I struggled to find affordable mental healthcare.
Finding Affordable Treatment
When I felt like there was no light at the end of the tunnel, I confided in my sister. She connected me with resources for affordable treatment through the Malaysian Public Health System. I was referred to a psychiatric ward and started taking antidepressants. The side effects initially made things worse, but with patience and adjustments, I found a medication that worked for me.
Opening Up to My Parents
I also decided to tell my parents about my depression. To my surprise, they were incredibly understanding and supportive. My dad even offered to let me quit my job and come home if it would make me happier. Their love and acceptance were crucial to my recovery.
Recovery and Self-Discovery
I took a mental health break, focusing on self-discovery and healing. It was a long and challenging journey, but I eventually overcame depression. I want to emphasize that recovery is possible, even though it takes time and effort.
Conclusion
I know this episode was a bit messy, but I hope it was a helpful start to our conversation about depression. Please feel free to reach out with any questions, and I’ll do my best to provide more structured insights in the next episode. Remember, you’re not alone, and there’s always hope. Thank you for listening.
