In this episode, we talked about:
- Why putting yourself first can feel uncomfortable, selfish, or guilt-inducing as we grow older
- How age, responsibility, culture, and expectations shape our reluctance to prioritise our needs
- The pressure of living up to past achievements and how it affects self-worth
- Why success needs to be redefined beyond money, status, and productivity
- How personal values like family, mental health, love, and creativity shape a more fulfilling life
- Why self-care is not a luxury, but a responsibility
- Giving yourself permission to live life on your own terms — without guilt
Listen to the full episode now:
“This is my life, and I choose to live it on my own terms. This is me giving you the permission to put yourself first again.”
Timestamp:
- 0:00 intro
- 1:30 why i felt like i couldn’t give myself permission to just be myself and put my needs first
- 7:24 redefining “success”
- 10:16 why we deserve to love ourselves now
- 12:30 how does self-care look like
- 13:14 summary
- 13:59 outro
Detailed Summary:
Introduction
Welcome back to Small Girl Big Talk, where we talk about the big stuff in life — relationships, money, self-identity, and everything that truly matters. I’m your host, Wendy, and in this episode, I’m sharing something very personal: learning how to give myself permission to put myself first.
I recorded this episode after a long weekend of self-love and rest — and honestly, I felt guilty about it. Self-care hasn’t always come naturally to me, but over the years, I’ve realised that the more love and care I give myself, the better I’m able to show up for the people around me.
Why Putting Yourself First Feels So Hard
As we grow older, life comes with more responsibility. We’re no longer just taking care of ourselves — we’re thinking about our parents, siblings, partners, careers, and sometimes even children. With age, the weight of responsibility grows, and so does the guilt.
In today’s world, especially with social media, everything we do feels like it comes with consequences. What we post, how we live, how we rest — it can all feel judged. I’ve often worried about how others perceive me: colleagues, subordinates, old friends, or family members. Even when we tell ourselves that work is work and personal life is personal, the fear of judgment lingers.
Growing Up as the “High Achiever”
Growing up, I was the kid every parent wanted — top student, scholarships, awards, academic success. While it made people proud, it also created unspoken expectations about who I should become as an adult.
Good grades don’t guarantee career success, happiness, or fulfilment — but the pressure to live up to that past version of myself made it harder to take risks, slow down, or choose a different path. I found myself constantly feeling guilty:
- for not being “successful enough”
- for not making enough money
- for not being productive enough
- for resting
- for saying no
- for choosing myself
And I realised — I was tired of feeling guilty about everything.
Redefining Success
A lot of that guilt comes from how we define success. We’re taught that success looks like money, luxury, status, big houses, fancy cars, and impressive job titles. But we all know by now — money alone doesn’t equal happiness.
Success needs to be redefined through values.
For me, success means:
- Quality time with my family
- Being present for my parents, siblings, and nieces
- Protecting my mental health
- Using my voice to help others who are struggling
For you, success might look like:
- Creative expression
- Deep connection with your partner
- Time, freedom, or peace
- Living a slower, more intentional life
Success is personal. And when you redefine it, the guilt slowly starts to loosen its grip.
Why We Deserve to Put Ourselves First — Now
So the question becomes: If not now, when?
We live many roles — daughter, partner, employee, leader, friend — but we also have the role of simply being ourselves. And that alone is reason enough to put our needs first.
I know I’m privileged to have a supportive partner, friends, and family who respect my boundaries. Not everyone has that. But the question I always ask myself is this:
If I were to die tomorrow, would I rather have lived life on my own terms — or someone else’s?
For me, the answer is clear.
What Self-Care Actually Looks Like
Self-care doesn’t have to be dramatic or extravagant. It can be small, simple, and everyday:
- Sleeping in without guilt
- Putting on a sheet mask before bed
- Buying that makeup item you’ve been eyeing
- Treating yourself to bubble tea after work
- Grocery shopping for fresh, nourishing food
Self-care looks different for everyone — and that’s okay.
Conclusion
This episode is my reminder to you — and to myself — that this life is yours. You don’t need to earn rest. You don’t need permission from anyone else.
This is your permission slip to:
- put yourself first
- take care of yourself
- live on your own terms
- and let go of the guilt
Because when you love yourself well, the people who love you will be happy for you — and inspired to do the same.
