In this episode, we talked about:
- Why comparison is so common — and why it’s especially intense in adulthood
- The different ways we compare ourselves: career, money, appearance, relationships, and life experiences
- How social media and unrealistic societal standards fuel feelings of inadequacy
- The internal causes of comparison, including insecurity, lack, and fear of judgment
- How to shift from a scarcity mindset to an abundance mindset
- Practical tools like gratitude, manifestation, and systems over goals to refocus on personal growth
- How to curate your external environment (especially social media) to reduce comparison triggers
- Why embracing your individuality and authenticity is the key to truly shining
Listen to the full episode now:
“There is no one else in this world who would share the exact combination of appearance, gifts, talents, personality, and experiences as you have.”
Timestamp:
- 0:00 intro
- 1:05 the tendency to compare ourselves to others
- 3:45 why comparison can be unhealthy
- 6:20 internal causes: lack, insecurity, fear of judgment
- 8:50 external causes: societal standards, social media influence
- 12:15 focusing on internal work: shifting to personal growth
- 16:10 practicing gratitude and manifestation
- 20:00 setting systems, celebrating milestones
- 24:10 nurturing externals: curating social media, distancing from triggering people
- 28:05 embracing individuality and authenticity
- 32:20 conclusion
- 33:05 outro
📖 Books I mentioned:
- Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself by Joe Dispenza
- Psycho-Cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz
- Into the Magic Shop by James R. Doty
- Atomic Habits by James Clear
“I truly believe that when you are able to embrace who you are, that is when you are going to shine the most.”
Detailed Summary:
Introduction
In this episode of Small Girl Big Talk, I open up about something I still struggle with — comparing myself to others. I almost felt unqualified to talk about this because I’m still working through it myself, but I also know that being in the middle of the journey makes this conversation more honest and relatable.
Comparison shows up in so many areas of our lives — career, money, appearance, relationships, and even life experiences. And in today’s world, social media has made it almost impossible to escape.
Why We Compare Ourselves
We compare how successful we are, how much money we make, how we look, and whether we’re “ahead” or “behind” in life. We scroll through photos of friends traveling, attending exclusive events, or posting about romantic relationships — and suddenly we question our own worth.
This constant comparison often leads to feelings of inadequacy, self-doubt, and dissatisfaction, which can quickly turn into an unhealthy obsession.
The Internal Causes of Comparison
One major reason we compare ourselves is internal insecurity. When we come from a place of lack — feeling not good enough, not successful enough, or not attractive enough — we seek validation by looking outward.
Seeing people who seem “worse off” temporarily makes us feel better. Seeing people who are “doing better” makes us feel worse. Fear of judgment also plays a big role, especially when we worry about how others perceive our success, appearance, or lifestyle.
The External World & Unrealistic Standards
Beyond our internal struggles, society and media create an illusion of perfection. Traditional media and social media alike promote filtered, curated versions of life that feel like standards we’re expected to live up to.
With influencers becoming the new benchmark, it often feels like even “normal people” need to live extraordinary lives to be considered successful or worthy — which only deepens the comparison trap.
Shifting the Focus to Personal Growth
To break free from comparison, the focus needs to shift inward.
Abundance Over Scarcity
The opposite of lack is abundance. There is enough — enough love, money, beauty, creativity, and opportunity for everyone. Someone else’s success does not take away from your own potential.
Practicing Gratitude
Gratitude helps anchor you back into what you already have. It doesn’t need to be fancy — it can be as simple as being grateful for a good meal, healthy parents, or making it to work on time. Gratitude slows you down and helps you breathe.
Manifestation & Embodiment
Manifestation isn’t just about wishing — it’s about embodying the person you want to become. Visualisation, identity shifts, and daily actions help align you with your ideal self over time.
Systems Over Goals
Inspired by Atomic Habits, I share why systems matter more than goals. Goals are outcomes, but systems are the daily habits that get you there. Celebrate small wins along the way — they matter more than you think.
Curating Your External Environment
Since social media is a major trigger for comparison, curating what you consume is essential.
- Mute or unfollow accounts that trigger insecurity
- Spend more time on platforms like Pinterest that inspire rather than compare
- Distance yourself from people who constantly compare, gossip, or flaunt
Protecting your mental space is not selfish — it’s necessary.
Embracing Your Individuality
The most powerful way to stop comparing yourself is to embrace who you are. No one else in this world shares your exact combination of experiences, personality, talents, and appearance.
What once felt like flaws — physical traits, past struggles, mental health challenges — can become your greatest strengths when you learn to embrace them. That’s where your unique “zone of genius” lives.
Conclusion
Comparison is something I’m still navigating, especially financially. But being aware of it and continuously redirecting my focus toward personal growth has helped me immensely.
I hope this episode reminds you that your journey is your own — and that embracing your individuality is what allows you to truly shine.
